Sometimes, great things can come from the least expected of places.
“Are you depressed?”
“No, why would you say that?
“Your brother says you are…”
“No, I’m not… Wait, I am. I’m depressed that yesterday’s KFC tri-pepper chicken dinner is giving me stomach-aches!”
I’m not depressed. I’ve been depressed before. I went hysterical, almost got myself admitted to SAF Ward and have both the government and private psychiatrists and their respective psychologists prove that I’m depressed. I’m not one of those wimpy kids who get “depressed” each time something “fucks their lives”. No, not me. I’m just… well, down. To be fair, I’ve not really been alright ever since a ghost from the past made a brief return to my life, reminded me about all the “what ifs” with the relationship, only to find out the ghost, besides, saved messages and notes, has no more emotional attachment to it. In addition, even though I’ve got a job, there’s something missing in there that just doesn’t feel right. It’s not that my environment is bad, or I don’t like my job, but I need the “spark”. Maybe I need to go somewhere again, alone, and be inspired.
Either way, it wrecked my afternoon plans. Ever since Alvin kind-of “fired” me from the team, and on retrospect, was for the better anyways, since I would end up not staying in SIM for very long either. Since my teens, I’ve always fancied the idea of getting into sports. As you can tell, I wasn’t a very sporty person… Actually, I was into soccer and basketball during my primary school days, particularly the latter even though I was shorter than most last time. Then one afternoon, I knocked head-on into a senior while playing basketball – I can’t remember much because I suffered a concussion, massive bleeding from the head, my mom came down and all, and a week’s MC, and from then on, I literally stopped being a sporty person, relegated to the sidelines, always yearning, and wanting. I’m not too sure if you could call it fear, but I moved on to something that I found I was also quite okay in – the arts. ANYWAY, going back to what I was talking about earlier, upper secondary school was where I really started thinking about returning to sports again, in particular, sea sports. But I’ve to be honest, my motivation to get sporty has always been the same – vanity. Individuals who regularly indulge in sports, in an actual team and all, always, in my opinion, looked good and alive as opposed to those who don’t engage in it at all. I was sooo ready and packed to go to Kallang this late morning, but my familiar friend, the anxiety attack, struck again.
To get it off my mind, I started preparing lunch. My mom and brother had already left, thinking that my afternoon plans would cover lunch too, and didn’t think much of my canceled plans. I didn’t tell them either.
I don’t want to blow my own horn, but it turns out relieving my stress yielded the best pasta I’ve ever done. It wasn’t strictly Italian, but it was more of a fusion, like Yomenya Goemon’s, and it tasted really good. It was the first time I ever finished my own food, and even went for seconds (I usually take just a few bites, and then throw it away, even for instant noodles). The high points of the pasta were the spaghetti, which turned out perfectly al dente, and my sliced vegetables (not pictured, but besides carrots, I used chili peppers, tomatoes, Japanese cucumber and celery) which were boiled to soften them a tad; as well as the taste, which was amplified by alcohol. We didn’t have opened bottles of western wines, so I used a regular Chinese wine, which was like “glue”, keeping everything together.
In the evening, I joined Titus for a dinner at his friend’s friend’s place in Sengkang. When he first told me, I was actually kind of excited because I thought the event was something else. With Singapore being the crowded city that it is on the weekends, I hear that the trend of “supper clubs” are becoming quite popular. Basically, someone offers their place, and invites a bunch of strangers over, and cooks for them demanding no payment. However, there is a jar where one can slip a worthy amount into – completely non-obligatory. Alas, it wasn’t that kind of event, but it was a potluck dinner, and if you’d believe it, movie night. Interesting, I suppose…