It’s Not That Big Of A Deal, Really

“If you need any help, just let us know…”

Those words, once a fleeting consolation in a difficult situation, was today, proven nothing but a smokescreen.

I felt betrayed.

All the nonsense I had to undertake while they hide behind the scenes, content, and ignorant of the reality… Every day, I looked for a sign that there was a grander scheme behind all the smoke and mirrors, or rather, the lack of inaction. Every day, I hoped for a light at the end of the tunnel – for someone they’d trust who, have the experience and the ability to truly nudge it into superstardom. Even in these moments, as my journey with them’s end looms, I still, hoped.

The love story’s over. It’s out of my control. It never was, never, anyway.

I had no money. I had just paid the penalty to cancel my gym membership. I could no longer afford it. I barely had enough money to last the week. How on earth was I going to come up with money to buy two iPad smart-covers – money which I didn’t have in the first place?

Indeed, whatever hesitation, whatever feelings I had, whatever sympathy, had evaporated, as I recomposed myself and proceeded to do what had to be done.

I mouthed a silent prayer for any help as my tears turned into tears of hate.

Now, I’m a very practical person. Unless we’ve become friends, relationships at work are, to me, not worth fussing about, at all. By the time the hour was up, I had already notified and settled everything with the affected parties – the result of a good relationship – but nevertheless I did what was instructed. So when I bought the gifts, I bought it with the intention that I wanted to buy it for them, not because  I had to.

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